Here are some questions that you can use to guide your discussion of THE DAYS I LOVED YOU MOST.

***May contain spoilers***

1. The book opens with a controversial decision that is hard for all the characters to come to terms with. Were you able to understand why they would make this plan? Why or why not?

2. Jane, Thomas and Violet all have different reactions to their parents’ decision. Who do you relate to most? Who do you relate to least? Do you think Joseph and Evelyn were right to tell their children about their plan?

3. Violets appear throughout the story as a symbol of Joseph and Evelyn’s love and devotion. In what ways was the symbol used? With those instances in mind, discuss the line “The fragile flowers hid the strength of the roots beneath; they spread with the fervor of weeds, stifled anything in its path. They were beautiful, and yet, without malice or intention, they could strangle to survive.”

4. Often Joseph is afraid he loves Evelyn more than she loves him. However, Joseph is the one who ended up with the life he wanted. Do you think their love was balanced? Does love require sacrifice?

5. Discuss the role of Tommy, described as so full of life, and how he informs both Joseph and Evelyn’s individual identities, their relationship, and ideas around aging and death. What does it mean to live fully?

6. Evelyn struggles with her changing identity as she becomes a wife and mother, and clings to dreams of her past self while still enjoying the life she chose. In what ways do Aunt Maelynn, Evelyn’s mother, and Joseph’s parents color Evelyn’s own experience of motherhood and marriage?

7. Sam’s arrival in 1969 disrupts the family in ways that reverberate for years to come. Discuss Sam as a character and as a catalyst for pain, shame, secrets and ultimately, healing.

8. Joseph and Evelyn’s lives were entwined from their childhood. What is the role of fate versus choice in the novel?

9. The setting is an important component of the story. What does it mean to belong to a place, and what are the benefits and limitations embedded in having such deep roots?

10. Discuss the significance of the title and the ways it comes into play throughout the novel and on the final page.