In today's post, guest blogger Jeffrey Zaslow talks about why a man chose to write about women's friendships, how that experience has changed him and how much he has enjoyed sharing the experience with book clubs all around the country.
Several nights a week, my cell phone rings and there are six or twelve or fifteen women on the other end of the line.
My wife knows that I’m always giving my phone number to other women. She’s OK with it.
“Hold that thought,” I’ll tell her, “I need to take this call.”
And then I slink off to chat with yet another women’s book club.
The book clubs contact me because they’ve read THE GIRLS FROM AMES, my nonfiction account of the lifelong friendships of 11 women from Ames, Iowa. Many of the book clubs are comprised of women who are close friends. Others are just acquaintances. But almost all of them tell me the same thing: While they were reading about the Ames girls, they found themselves thinking deeply about their own bonds of friendship, and about the love in their own lives. Seeing these women embrace their memories has been a wonderful byproduct of the book.
One perennial question book clubs ask me: Why would a man decide to immerse himself in the lives of 11 women? I explain that I have three daughters, now ages 15, 18 and 21, and that I always hoped they would go through life surrounded by close friends. I decided to write this “biography of a friendship” in large measure to learn more about my own girls.
Of course, it wasn’t an easy process writing this book. I sometimes felt surrounded. I’ve got a wife. Three daughters. My mother. My sister. Ten Ames girls. A female editor (and marketing team) at the book publisher. “That was a lot of female energy in my life,” I tell the book clubs via speakerphone. “I definitely got balder writing the book.”
And yet, the experiences working on the book -- followed by all my interactions with book clubs – have made me more comfortable around women.
I completely enjoy answering questions from these reading groups. It’s very different from a lot of the media interviews I’ve done related to the Ames book. Journalists often ask predictable questions, or else they’ve read only the flaps of the book (if that) and they’re just winging it when we speak. But the women in book clubs have been incredible. They pay very close attention to the story of the Ames girls, and they speak from the heart – about the friends who’ve been there for them, the friends who’ve disappointed them, and the moments in the book that touched them the most. They ask penetrating and intuitive questions.
It also has been great fun to see how these book clubs embrace the spirit of the book. Some have made Maxi Pad slippers, just like the Ames girls did. One book club made a CD for each member with all the music mentioned in the book. And a great many groups of women have posed for staircase photos, mirroring the Ames girls’ photo that was on the back of the hardcover.
Lifetime television is now working on a movie based on the book, and book clubs often ask me to suggest appropriate actresses. “I’m hoping Betty White will play all the roles,” I say.
After I speak to book clubs, they usually call one or two of the Ames girls and continue the discussion. (Our contact information is on our Web site.) There have been so many beautiful conversations, with lots of laughs and some tears.
Kelly, who is probably the most outspoken of the Ames girls, tells me: “I feel as though I take away positive, helpful information from every encounter with a book club. They’ve helped make me a more enlightened person.” Almost every week, people tell her that they are the “Kelly” in their group of friends. “I’m not exactly sure what that means,” Kelly says, “but it makes me smile and feel less alone in the world.”
Truthfully, the Ames girls and I never tire of talking to book clubs. We know there are many books out there, and we feel honored when reading groups choose ours – and see themselves in it.
Jeffery Zaslow, Author (http://www.girlsfromames.com/)
